The Day I Lost My Virginity Pt 1

I'd met Kayla on a free dating website (She was 19, in case anyone including the FBI is curious). We had been talking for a few months on IM; after a while, mostly due in part to frequent conversations consisting mostly of her shameless flirting and sending me revealing Jpeg images, with my role panning out eerily similar to the hapless down on his sex life luck teen Jonah Hill plays in virtually every one of Judd Apatow's bimonthly comedy flicks, we decided to hang out. Fuck, the plot of my situation practically unraveled like an bastard afterbirth from one of his failed scripts (or a future classic work, depending on how optimistic I am at any given time that this story's worth the megabytes its sucking up).

The plot? Simple and predictable: I had plans on getting laid, feeling like a man, and most importantly, finally canceling my ever pesky V club subscription. Not only that, but it was going to go down with the type of girl that can most often be found in one of my weird ass fantasies: some pale corpse tissue goth that cuts herself, loves Heavy Metal and smokes weed. Hey, judge if you like, but thats probably as close to Christina Ricci that I'm getting, and theres absolutely nothing to deviant, sick, or just fucking despicable I wouldn't do to just to take her out for the evening. Shit, I'd smother my hand in jelly and fist my grandmother for a chance just to take her out to dinner.

All masochistic jam incest aside, this was it. This was my moment to experience something that every one of my friends had bragged about and I was set.

Set for everything in fact, until that crucial plot twist: She was married.

That was the bad news. The good news was that she claimed this to be an open relationship, and that if her or her husband talked to someone they liked, then protected sex with them was okay. However, being the overly paranoid person I am, I was unsure of how truthful she was and that I'd feel better if I could somehow be told by him that this was alright- without it having to happen face to face.

She has an answer to this with an link to his profile on that same website. I ask her to see if he will email me to make sure this is legit and I don't run the risk of this coming to an disagreeable end- one possible outcome in my mind being that he could blow my face off with a handgun.

She agrees. While waiting for an email after he got home from work that evening or the next day, I considered what I was basically doing: Waiting for a husband to email me, specifically giving permission for me to fuck his wife.

The next day came, and I had a message in my inbox. Quoted verbatim (Yes, I kept it):

"Hey man, I do not care if Kayla hangs out with you and has sex or whatever and I promise I wont go apeshit. Im trying to see someone soon myself."

I stared at my screen for a while, splitting my time trying to process the fact of this unlikely green light to assist this girl in totally violating her sacred oaths, and all just because I wanted to get off with the help of a willing female- as well as still being consumed with horror movie scenario worries like how they could be some modern day Bonnie and Clyde sex freak cannibals and wanted to try out a fatty.

But, in the end, woes and worries still hammering against the interior of my mentality, I went anyway.