Loser Goes To A Movie Premiere- Conclusion

Scene: After the movie and intermission, Basehead and I claim a set of seats near the front of the room for the Q & A with Tucker. While sitting there, Bill walks up through our side aisle. He glances down, notices me and stops, offering a handshake. This normally wouldn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me, it made my night. Not only did I get to spend some time talking to the guy before the movie, but he was nice enough to take time to once again recognize my existence. I turn and smile proudly at Basehead, who for his part, looks suprised and confused.

Scene: Tucker and company are introduced. They spend about half an hour answering questions about the movie, the book, and insulting just about everyone that asks anything. (Note: If you have never read Tuckers storys, he openly promotes himself as a narcissist and asshole. So this is kinda like giving everyone what they want anyway)

Scene: The best line of the night comes when Tucker talks about the bridesmaids. After answering a question about them, he then goes on to say "Also, I fucked three out of those five bridesgrooms." Predictably, everyone there cracks up. He realizes his mistake and goes "Fuck you! Bridesmaids! If any of you people say this happened, I'll call you all liars!"

Scene: Q & A is over, and the line forms for pictures and autographs with Tucker, Nils, and Kari. Being near the front, Basehead and I find ourselves near the front with not long to wait.

Scene: Bill is back. With the camera man. Asking about the movie. He is maybe three people away.

Scene: Basehead, distracted with a handful of shit, somehow drops his mug from the swag bag. It lands on the girls foot in front of us. Thankfully, she isnt hurt, or pissed.

Scene: Basehead picks his stuff up, and upon returning to eye level, finds himself staring right into the face of the camera lens. (He later tells me dropping the glass completely fucked him up, with the TKO coming at the first sight of Bill and the Cam man. He also noted that while glancing over my way, he sees my literally light up at seeing Bill. He is right. At this point, I was no longer in pieces, but actually looking forward to talking to Bill one last minute.)

Bill: Oh hey, its you guys!
Me: Look Bill, I already told you I'm not squealing like a fucking pig.
Bill: Aw man, you still upset about that?
Me: Yes. It hurt my feelings and makes me uneasy.
*reaching out, he grabs one of my shoulders and starts squeezing*
Bill: Well, you are pretty tense.
Me: Ah shit that feels good...

*By the way, I have no clue why our interactions kept winding up with hints of homoeroticism sprinkled throughout, but I didnt care. Loser was in the limelight, and was suprisingly happy.*

Bill then concludes by asking us our thoughts on the movie. He looks at Basehead first. Basehead is staring back like a deer in the headlights.

Basehead: Uh......Fuck the Hangover!
Me: Yeah, this movie was better.

There was a little more brief talk, and we were once again thanked for our time. We are now at the table with Tucker. We get our posters signed by Nils, Kari and Tucker, and I also get my book signed by him as well. I then get a picture taken with Tucker, and before I know it, the flash goes off and he is on to the next person. It kind of sucked because there were a million different things I'd originally intended on telling or asking him when I got up there, but I sort of wound up star struck again. The only words exchanged were "good to meet you", but whatever, there was a huge line and I got everything I could reasonably want anyway.


Photo with Tucker.





All said and done, my only regrets about the premiere was that none of my video footage with Bill made it on the tour website. In fairness though, they shot hours of film and only uploaded about a minute and a half total so I can't feel too discriminated against. But damn would I kill to see that. Oh, and I really wish my glasses werent so nerdy and bent looking in that picture. I need contacts. Oh well. If nothing else, this is just another rare example of how every loser has his day.

Loser Goes To A Movie Premiere Part 1

Preface: The movie "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" is based off the true story from Tucker Maxs' book of the same title, which has sold over one million copies. Also, just to get this out of the way, I think the movie is one of the best comedies ever done. Ever. So see it.

Here also are links to Tucker's website

www.tuckermax.com

And the Rated R trailer

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/9/i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell-uncensored-red-band-trailer-1318387.html

Finally, heres www.billdawes.net since he plays into this story too.


So me and my buddy (Basehead) recently attended the promotional tour screening at the Midtown Art Cinema in Atlanta. Now first of all, the tour not only allowed for everyone attending to see it an entire month in advance, but also gave you the opportunity to meet Tucker Max (the real one, not the actor in the movie), along with cowriter Nils Parker and actress Kari Pratt- plus a question and answer session with a free swag bag including a tee shirt, glass, movie poster, wristband, and keychain. My favorite blog writer (who also does stand up and broadway) Bill Dawes was on hand as well to MC the event. All for the price of ten fucking dollars. (I mention all this not only because it plays into the rest of the evening, but because everyone involved on that tour gave fans ten times their moneys worth, and deserve to be recognized for going the extra mile to make everyone happy.)

On arrival, we already find ourselves at the back of a huge line even though the movie is not slated to start for another hour. I also notice Bill Dawes interviewing random people on camera at the start of the line. Being that my mind contains more anxiety and paranoia than an entire wing of schizophrenics at any given mental hospital combined, I notify Basehead that we need to bail the area. Now normally, I would have walked straight up to him (or any other such semi to full on famous person) no matter what to get an autograph or picture, but I was not at all interested in being filmed. We leave the line, grab a beer at a bar located next door, and return a few minutes later. Bill is unfortunately continuing to work the line and begins getting closer to the end, as I spend the next few minutes muttering nervously to Basehead about how I hope he doesn't come near us with that camera.

He comes. But only to interview a small group of people directly in front of us. I am now on camera, but in the background, so that is alright. I laugh along to the discussion from the safety of the two or three people taking up most of the shot, thinking that although it would be cool, at least in theory, to be on camera with Bill, that it would probably be a disaster if I were directly on it. And hey, I might even be seen in the background on some video. The interview ends, Bill briefly looks past us to the rest of the crowd, and I overhear the camera man saying he'll be right back and starts a pan of the line behind us, which has now grown to match the size of the one in front of us. In this moment, I see my chance to sneak an autograph and quick meet, summon all my courage and yell out.

Me: Hey Bill. Hey, can I get your autograph?

Bill walks over. I have my paper print out of the tickets, and a sharpie in hand.
(Anytime I go some place having to do with famous people or performers, I carry that type of shit. I come prepared.)

Bill: Sure, whats your name?
Me: Brent.

Regretfully, my nervousness cues up at the same time as my answer, effectively three waying in my sometimes heavy southern accent. My reply is utterly unintelligible.

Bill: Whats that?
Me: Brent. I'm a big fan, I read your blog all the time. And sorry, I get a speech impediment when Im nervous.
Bill: *laughs* Thats alright dude. *signing paper*
Me: Yeah, my accent is a bitch. Can you believe I actually work in radio?
Bill: Oh really?
Me: Yeah *pointing at my work shirt I am still wearing*
Me: I do news part time for a local station. I actually interviewed a Senator earlier this afternoon. (Senator Republican Johnny Isakson was the guest speaker at a Chamber of Commerce banquet I attended)
Bill: Oh yeah?! Thats awesome, what was the interview about?

Right when he asks this, the camera man comes over. I mentally shit myself and immediately go back into "shaky, oh fuck what do I do" mode. I also begin sweating profusely.

Me: Um, health care reform. He was against it, obviously, since he's a Republican.
Bill: Well what about you? Whats your take on the debate?

*My mind reels while I sumultaneously use all of my remaining mental resources in being somewhat cognative on film, and in front of a few hundred bystanders. The spotlight is indeed on me. I almost start to relish it in a masochistic sort of standpoint, and a seemingly detached second part of me appears in the background of my conscious, clearly amused at my conundrum*

Me: Well, I'm for it if it is shown that the system would work effectively and give people a chance to get health care that currently can't afford it.... I'm pro-Obama.

*I have no idea why I plugged that in at the end, but I did, and came close to sounding like all those other arm chair political analyst dipshits cornered in rally's by news cameras and questioned, that try acting like they know what they're talking about, but don't, so they start randomly spouting out campaign catch phrases and blind support for their candidate of choice, when it becomes to painfully evident they're not well informed on the topic they're being asked about. The difference is that I do, I was just busy with struggling to bury signs of my panic attack, as I also wrestled with keeping both a steady voice and a somewhat collected poker face for the million or so eyes I feel watching from every side*

Bill now notices Basehead for the first time, who I also now notice has been standing totally out of the camera view and to my far right. I find this odd, but not as odd as the instant burst of inner confidence I feel when I realize Basehead, who is usually a very social person, has turned into his own alter ego, Manny the Mannequin. He stares, does a baseball umpires emphatic "SAFE" arm signal as the camera turns toward him.

Basehead: I have no position.
Bill: Oh, so hey, (points at me) are you with this guy?
Basehead: Uh... yeah.
Bill: Guys, its okay! It's 2009. You can come out now!

*At this point, two conflicting thoughts cross my mind at once. "Oh shit now he's gonna fuck with us hardcore on camera" and "Well yeah, but this is fucking awesome. You're on camera with Bill, he's one of your favorite writers for Christs sakes, and hes actually taking time to screw around with you". Thought number two then takes complete precedent in my mind, and I feel mentally loose, and warmed up. If I'm going to be on camera, I'm going to make the most of it and have fun. I've already been accused of being gay, why not fool around and play along?*

Me: Well, you know, I've been contemplating it, but I'm just not sure if people will accept me.
Bill: Of course they will. And that deliverance voice is kinda sexy too, so you're in good shape.

Bill then apparently comes up with something he would find really funny.

Bill: Hey! Squeal like a pig for the camera!
Me: What? No. No fucking way.

*The request makes me waiver for a moment, but I quickly regain the upper hand and adopt a firm attitude*

Bill: Aw c'mon! Do it man!
Me: Look Bill, I'm not squealing like a fucking pig, I don't care how much it'll turn you on.
Bill: Oh alright..well, so you're here for the movie anyway. You guys ready for it?
Me: Hell Yeah!
Basehead: ...
Bill: Okay guys, thanks.
Me: Good to meet you man.
Bill: You too dude.

A few minutes later, the line moves and we finally get into our seats. Bill is up front, microphone in hand, fucking with the crowd and bantering back and forth. The movie starts five minutes later, and predictably kicks ass. We are told there is a fifteen minute intermission, and then the question and answer session will follow with Tucker, Nils and a special guest, who turns out to be, as I mentioned, actress Kari Pratt.


Part Two coming later. I'm tired of typing.

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